


A Little Too Late

by DiamondLoveGood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Depression, First War with Voldemort, Heartbreak, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Post-Second War with Voldemort, Romance, Sad Ending, Slash, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22382857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondLoveGood/pseuds/DiamondLoveGood
Summary: Snape saves Lupin and a tentative friendship begins. The struggle and love of two unfortunate souls.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Comments: 20
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Revised a second time.   
> Thank you so much for the response, it inspired me to re-read, correct and add more stuff.  
> I love you.

Warnings: Predatory behavior towards minors, mentions of rape - nondescriptive, sad ending, characters death, unbeta'd, English is not my language

Soundtrack: Hoobastank The Reason

0o0

Remus lowered his eyes when he noticed Professor Tullius looking at him again. Maybe the Defense against the dark arts professor knew what Remus was and was fascinated by dark creatures. The Professor was new and have only been teaching their fifth year for a few months.

When the bell sounded, Remus started throwing his things into his bag quickly but the Professor was there before he could get away.

'Mr. Lupin'. Said his teacher. 'Can I talk to you for a moment?'

Remus sighed.

'Of course, Professor.'

He observed his friends leave the class when he noticed that Snape had stopped by the door. Their eyes met for a moment, which was interrupted by the professor.

'That will be all, Mr.Snape. Close the door after you leave.'

Remus was surprised to see Snape glaring at the Professor. He was a sour and difficult guy but he never blatantly disrespected teachers like that.

After a tense long moment, Snape left and closed the door none too gently.

Professor Tullius turned to Remus with his customary kind smile. 'Please sit.'

Remus did so reluctantly, waiting for the other to do the same on his own desk as he had always done but he had moved to the student desk next to Remus' and pulled his chair closer to the boy.

'Mr.Lupin... Can I call you Remus when we are alone?'

'Of course.' Said Remus, not feeling like he had the right to deny a teacher that.

'I know how difficult things are for you. I must say, I really admire your fortitude in life despite your challenges.'

So he knew, just like he thought - mused Remus. He only nodded, still waiting to see what the Professor wanted.

'You know, I've studied dark creatures more than anything than you can imagine. If there is anything I can do for you or there is anything you'd like to ask, feel free to do so.'

Remus almost jumped out of his skin when the Professor put his hand over his knee and didn't know how to react. He only nodded and made a loud noise as he pulled his chair and moved as far away as he could from the man. 'T... thank you.' He said, not really knowing why he was so nervous.

Professor Tullius nodded and returned to his desk as if dismissing Remus. 'Don't forget your homework and to study for the quiz I'll be giving in the next class.'

Remus observed the teacher gathering his parchments for a moment. 'Yes, sir.' And then left the class.

At the common room, he found Sirius sitting sprawled on the sofa with his hand over a seventh year's shoulder and he wondered for the hundredth time how it was that his friend got anyone he wanted, even older girls.

James was reading a quidditch magazine excitedly and Remus threw himself beside him on another sofa. Peter - as always - was nearby James, admiring his friend and always looking like he couldn't believe how lucky he was to be accepted by him.

Remus was eating breakfast a few days later when Sirius stopped chewing to complain. 'God damn Snivellus, always watching and following us to get us into trouble.' At his last word, some of what Sirius was eating flew over Remus' plate.

'Hey!' He complained but Sirius was staring at the Slytherin's table as he did it so often and didn't notice.

Remus followed Sirius' gaze only to find that Snape was looking at him and so looked down quickly. Snape made him nervous.

'Leave him alone, Sirius.' He snorted and drank some of his pumpkin juice. He was so tired of his friends' obsession with Snape.

'We'll get him, Sirius.' Said James, chewing his own food with a malicious glint in his eyes.

'You will leave him alone.' Came a voice that sounded like bells. Remus turned to see Lilly staring at James with fury.

He hid a smirk. Now, James wouldn't do anything while Lilly was paying attention. He was sure that she was the only girl James would never have, unlike the many others who worshipped the ground he walked upon. Maybe that was her secret.

'I was just joking.' James said with his most innocent look that didn't fool anyone.

0o0

Remus was thankful to have someone who looked out for him in Hogwarts, but Professor Tullius made him feel uncomfortable sometimes like at that moment when he had asked him to stay after class again. It was becoming more and more common but he didn't want any special treatment for being a werewolf, despite his challenges - as Professor Tullius always liked to mention.

'Yes, sir?' He asked without being able to fully hide his impatience.

'I was just wondering, my boy, if you'd like to have extra classes with me. I have free time every night if you'd like.'

Remus stared at Professor Tullius, frowning. The last thing he wanted was to be seen as a teacher's pet. Did he pity him? Is that why he was always looking out for him and offering favors?

'Defense against the dark arts is my best subject, sir. I don't need any extra classes.' Remus smiled shyly and then started to lift his bag over his shoulder.

'Anything else then? You need someone watching out for you. It's not easy to go through what you face. I really admire your strength.'

'Uh... thanks.' Remus said awkwardly. 'If there is anything, I'll be sure to ask you, sir.'

'Ok.' Professor Tullius smiled benignly and accompanied him towards the door and opened it. 'Just remember, my boy, that you are not alone.'

Remus looked down and nodded but felt a hand on his chin and looked up sharply. Professor Tullius' smile broadened and then he removed his hand, only to push Remus dirty blonde fringe behind his ear.

Remus blinked and almost recoiled before he stopped himself. He never wanted to offend anyone and had thought that others were supposed to feel disgusted by him, not the other way around.

His parents weren't much to show signs of affection, although he knew he was loved. He knew since he was 4, however, that he was a burden and a nuisance and always felt insecure and unsure about himself, making him shy. Being in the shadows of the two most popular and handsome boys in the entire school aggravated his problem even more.

'Have a good night and sweet dreams.' the Professor said when Remus left the classroom.

Lost in thought, Remus walked staring at the floor and not seeing where he was going until he almost collided with a black shadow, making his heart almost come out of his throat.

'Lupin.' Said Snape stiffly.

Remus' jaw dropped. His blue eyes widened as he stared at the Slytherin who, until that moment, had never talked to him before.

He cleared his throat and almost choked on his own saliva. 'Snape.' He said with a tiny choked voice that embarrassed him to no end.

Snape seemed to look over his shoulder. Then back at him. 'Are you... Is everything alright?'

'Urr... Err...' Remus tried. Snape intimidated him. He always knew the boy to be James and Sirius' enemy, the one who knew how to take care of himself and knew more dark curses than any other student. He worried the Slytherin was going to take advantage that he was alone to exact revenge on him. There was no way that he could win Snape in a duel. The boy could take the other three Marauders single-handedly. Remus never participated but he couldn't stop his friends from harassing Snape either.

'Did something happened?' Snape asked sternly.

'Happened where? When?' Remus asked stupidly.

'In Professor Tullius class.' Snape barked, impatiently.

'What?' Remus blinked as he tried to understand what the hell he meant. 'Nothing happened... You were there, what are you talking about?'

Snape looked at him intently, then shook his head as if he meant nothing and moved away, leaving a very puzzled Remus behind.

0o0

The hectic school days continued with more offerings of help from Professor Tullius, his friends' pranks on Snape, lots of studying, gossip and new couples getting together and breaking up.

Sirius had already dumped the older girl and was shagging a fourth year now, being boisterous and a jerk about it.

Remus felt increasingly guilty for not being able to stop James and Sirius from tormenting Snape but the Slytherin wouldn't back down and provoked them as well. He was always a sight to behold in his fury and Remus couldn't help but admire his stubbornness and fearless demeanor.

One day, he didn't even bother to put away his things as he knew that Professor Tullius would want to talk to him after class as he always did. James and Sirius were teasing him about being the teacher's pet but he didn't have the courage to tell them that the man made him feel uncomfortable. Professor Tullius didn't look too old but wasn't young enough to feel like he was a friend so Remus didn't like talking to him so much.

'Sit, Remus.' The Professor said, making Remus regret allowing the man to use his first name.

'So...' The teacher said while sitting on the chair beside Remus' when everyone left. 'I thought you were having a little trouble with today's class.'

Remus tried to sigh silently. He had understood the lesson perfectly well. Without arrogance, he would even say that he was the best Dark arts student in his class. Well, not better than Snape actually, but probably second best.

'I really want you to let me help you.' Professor Tullius rested his big and warm hand over Remus knee, making him squirm.

'Uh... Professor. I am thankful but...'

Suddenly, Professor Tullius' other hand grabbed the back of Remus' neck and he froze as he was pulled forward to face his teacher up close.

'Listen to me, little boy. I've been kind but you are really testing my patience.'

Remus' eyes widened and he tried to pull away, not understanding what was happening and realizing suddenly how much stronger than him the man was.

'What do you want?' He choked on his fear, making his voice come out in a murmur.

'You, boy. I want you.'

Remus frowned and when understanding rushed in, he felt weak. Panic was overtaking his body. He slowly realized what the Professor meant but a part of him couldn't believe it.

'You are my teacher!' He squeaked.

'Enough talk.' Professor Tullius said. The Professor pulled the boy up, then quickly turned him around and threw him over the desk.

'Get off me!' He screamed, finally finding his voice due to rage but it was too late. The Professor bent his arm behind his back and he thought it would snap. He felt hands trying to undo his belt as he screamed in horror as he felt his Professor's heavy body fall over him, making it impossible for him to breathe or leave.

That's when he realized that a loud bang was sounding at the door like someone was banging at it for some time but he had been too caught up to pay attention. He turned to look, as did the man and it was with hope for a miracle that he saw that the door was releasing smoke, for whatever reason.

'What the hell?' Whispered his Professor as he moved to the door, wand drawn.

Remus wasted no time before drawing his own wand. The door flew open in a bang before he could curse his teacher, however, and the man flew back across the class.

Snape looked like some curse creature from hell as he stood, framed by the door. Never a sight brought so much relief and joy to Remus. He was so shaken that he fell to the ground. Snape ran to him, helping him up and they escaped without looking back.

Remus soon recovered and ran unaided. He couldn't think straight and just followed Snape blindly. The Slytherin chose the boy's bathroom and entered it, closing the door silently after Remus followed behind. They entered a stall together and if the situation wasn't so dire he would have found funny that they tried to fit in together in a space not built to accommodate two teenage boys.

They panted, trying to recover their breaths while holding their sides. Remus observed Snape's eyes moving around in a panic, his forehead frowned in deep thought. He seemed very alert and dangerous, like an animal who had been cornered.

'What the hell was that?' Panted Remus. 'How did you know?'

Snape looked at him and his black gaze hardened. Remus felt himself shrivel under that gaze and looked away.

'The same was done to me.'

Remus looked up sharply. His jaw dropped as he was overtaken by pity.

'If you ever tell anyone. I'll kill you, your family and anyone else who finds out, do you understand? I could poison this entire school, then make me and a few others the survivors with little left in our systems and no one would ever find out who did it.'

Remus grabbed his hand. 'I would never...ever!'

Snape seemed to relax, not needing other reassurances, thankfully. What kind of awful person did Snape think he was? He could never tell something so private to anyone, especially someone as targeted and paranoid as Snape. The entire school would laugh at him, even though their Professor was in the wrong.

'I am so sorry...' Remus started but shut his mouth when Snape sneered at him.

'Don't you dare to pity me. I've been hurt before, at home by my father and your friends always make sure I don't have a day of peace in this god damn school. What Tullius did to me is different, but it's just violence all the same.'

'What do we do?' Remus looked away so Snape couldn't see his eyes filling with tears. He had been so terrified when he felt the man drape himself over him that he couldn't imagine what Snape went through for not having anyone to stop the man in time.

'Leave it to me.' Snape said, straightening himself proudly and confidently. 'No one will know.'

'But the other students...'

'Not students.' Snape said with disgust. 'Boys. He likes teenage boys. Not very young boys like firsties, he likes them a bit older like fourteen and fifteen-year-olds.'

Remus looked at him in the dark light with horror. Only half of Snape's face was visible.

'We need to tell Professor Dumbledore, he may attack someone else.' Remus said.

'Didn't I said we are not going to tell anyone?' Snape snapped. 'I won't let anyone know what happened to me.'

'But surely Professor Dumbledore...'

'May want proof, which I don't have. He made sure of it. Until then, other students may be attacked by Tullius. I am dealing with it my own way.'

Remus froze. 'What do you mean?'

'Every time the bastard has an erection, something is happening to him. It won't be long now.'

'Snape, what are you...'

'This is my battle!' Snape's voice echoed throughout the toilet's walls.'

Remus raised the palm of his hands in a gesture of peace.

'Then let me help.'

Snape shook his head. Remus saw his face contort before Snape lowered his head so he could hide under his hair.

Remus' heart clenched. He didn't care he was going to be hexed. On an impulse, he gathered the dark-haired boy into his arms and held him tightly.

At first, Snape stiffened and tried weakly to get away. Then he slowly relaxed and soon, Remus felt him shaking a little and the sounds of wet sniffs.

'It's going to be okay. Shh...'

They held on to each other for a long time.

And it was one of Remus' best nights of his life.

0o0

Over the weeks, Remus observed Tullius with trepidation, not for himself but for others. The Professor stopped asking him to stay after class, maybe to see if Remus was going to tell someone or not.

Remus would pass in front of his class whenever he could just to see if the door was closed. He planned on blasting it open if he ever found that the man was grooming another victim but it seemed that the Professor was being careful.

Professor Tullius would observe him from afar without daring to say anything to Remus.

Snape and he had met once more, late at night in the astronomy tower when Remus took the Marauder's Map with him so James, Sirius and Peter wouldn't see the Snape dot right beside him.

The Slytherin told him that it seemed that Tullius observed his prey first before trying anything. He targeted brilliant, lonely or insecure boys who would be too afraid or ashamed to speak up.

'He doesn't care about the face, only about the ass.' Snape said blatantly in his own way, making Remus sputter and choke on his own saliva.

'What the hell? Why would you say that?'

Snape just stared at him like he was an idiot and the answer was obvious. When Remus continued to look at him blankly, he rolled his eyes. 'I am ugly, aren't I?'

Again Snape seemed to have the power to break Remus' heart.

'You are wrong...' Remus said looking away into the night sky.

He didn't have in him to look at Snape's expression and an awkward silence lodged itself between them for a long, uncomfortable moment.

'Be careful with anything that you eat or drink.' Snape suddenly said before saying 'Night, Lupin.' in his brisk manner and leaving Remus there.

Remus had gone to bed feeling awful for the grey underpants incident that had happened a while back. He had wanted to intervene but didn't had the courage and ended up doing nothing. He had to do something to stop Sirius and James next time. Peter always went along with James but one look from Remus was enough to make the shorter boy doubt himself in shame. The others, however, were impossible to control.

After being saved by Snape from such a horrible thing, he owed the other boy.

As the weeks went by, Tullius looked sicker. The teachers were worried and one day, he collapsed in class. Remus felt his stomach clench. No matter what the man did to kids, he couldn't find in himself to be happy the man was dying. So that had been what Snape meant by taking care of things. He would, however, do anything in his power to help Snape. It was his revenge and he had the right to retaliate however he saw fit. He knew Snape was a force to reckon with.

Remus was surprised, however. He thought that the plan was to have Tullius exposed, somehow. Only when the teacher's health deteriorated did he realize that Snape intended to kill the man. He understood how angry and hurt Snape must have been, he had been the shoulder that the boy cried on, maybe for the first time since the rape. And if they couldn't prove what the man did, what then? What if he moved schools and went on doing the same to other boys?

Remus hated to admit but Snape's reasoning was sound.

He wished he could get closer to the boy but after those two encounters Snape didn't say anything about another meeting. They came to an understanding and Snape would give him tiny nods that were only perceptible because he observed the other boy a lot. He didn't want the rest of the Marauders to know that he and Snape became friends... or something. They probably would torment him even more if they knew.

After being carried to St.Mungus one afternoon, Professor Tullius never got up again.

Snape wanted to meet him in the library when the Professor's death was announced. They 'talked' through quickly written notes.

Snape went beyond poisoning the man. He visited his room while Tullius stared at him wide-eyed. The poison Snape had fed him slowly rendered him speechless. He got sicker and sicker every time he had an erection, which Snape imagined it was when he looked at Remus, making the werewolf blush. At the hospital, Snape smirked at the grey, dying teacher and the gesture self-explanatory. He made sure the man died knowing who killed him.

'Jeez, Snape. I don't know how you could do it.' Remus wrote and passed the note.

After reading it, Snape raised his black eyes, giving him the shivers.

'He destroyed my life. I destroyed his.'

Remus read the note, his throat tightened. When he raised his eyes, he nodded and rested his hand over Snape's. From the corner of his eye, he noticed someone freeze at the entrance of the library and when he looked to see who it was, Remus felt a chill run down his spine with trepidation.

Sirius stared wide-eyed at their hands, his grey eyes stormy. Remus held his breath as Snape turned to look at what he was staring at.

Three days later, on the full moon, Snape was lured into the Marauder's most dangerous prank.

0o0

When Remus woke up on that morning, he was in pain like he never felt before. Moony had cut him everywhere and his shoulder seemed to have been dislocated. Involuntary tears began to fall as he wondered where his friends or Madame Pomfrey were. His friends or the mediwitch were there in the morning without fail.

He must have passed out due to the pain or blood loss because when he woke up again, he was completely bandaged and at the hospital wing. His heart began to race as something felt really, really wrong. Despite the pain, he got up from the bed while tears started to fall again. He felt like a little child who was sick, all vulnerable and weak. No curtains were closed around the beds after the full moon. He was always, the only patient. Rarely someone stayed overnight or was there in the mornings. He walked towards a closed bed curtain before Madame Pomfrey came back and stopped him and then pulled it.

Snape was sleeping deeply. His whole face had bruises and wounds. His arms and chest had bandages here and there. Remus covered his mouth, horrified.

He began to shake until he felt hands over his shoulder where there were no wounds. As he was turned, he stared into the kind eyes of the mediwitch. 'Rest, Mr.Lupin. You shouldn't be up yet.'

But he couldn't sleep. He was horrified with the possibility of what might have happened the night before.

He prayed he wasn't the one responsible for hurting Snape. He prayed that he hadn't turned the Slytherin, for that would be worse than anything James, Sirius and Peter did to him - all six years combined.

Hours later, when Snape began to stir, Remus ignored his pain and got up, feeling dizzy and almost falling from his bed.

'Snape...Severus, please...'

Snape looked around, terrified until his black eyes rested on Remus. There was no expression for a moment and then the sneer that was becoming more prevalent made itself known.

'Please, Severus... What happened?'

'Like you don't know... Beast.' Snape spat.

Remus eyes filled with tears and his face contorted with a pain worse than the physical agony he felt hours before.

'I don't know what happened. Please, Severus, believe me.'

As he spent hours staring at Snape's curtains and then connecting the dots - the rage in Sirius' eyes and all, he imagined what could have happened but he needed to hear the truth.

'I'll never believe in you. After what I did for you...' Snape raged. 'I am so angry I could kill you right now.'

Remus raised the palm of his hands in a gesture of peace and walked back towards his bed. 'Please... was it Sirius? Did he do something?'

'So you know it was him. I wonder why.' Snape spat sarcastically.

Remus laid on his pillow and just started to cry silently. Snape snorted in disgust like he didn't believe in Remus' show of regret and turned away from him in bed. The werewolf tried to keep his sobs quiet to not bother the other even more.

Remus never hated himself more than that day.

0o0

Remus lost count how many times he tried to talk to Snape and apologize. The boy was even forced by Dumbledore to keep quiet. He realized that the Headmaster was trying to protect Remus but the way it all came out looked like nobody cared about how Snape felt. As Sirius and James sat with their heads down, Snape just stared at Remus with an anger beyond anything he'd seen the Slytherin show. It cut him deeply. He came to care for Snape since he had been saved by him but always found the Slytherin fascinating, even before the incident. It crushed him that their tentative friendship ended so abruptly.

Snape shot a glare to the Headmaster too before storming off, but he clearly blamed Remus above them all. Maybe he already had prejudices against werewolves. Who wouldn't? Remus always knew he was nothing more than a beast but to hear it spat on his face by someone he cared about was excruciating.

His friendship with Sirius would never be the same again.

He continued to run after Snape, whispering apologies, passing notes that Snape would burn beneath his desk. Remus - on his part - ignored Sirius' same attempts at apology. They had formed a strange triangle of people that were not speaking to each other but always walked together in a line.

After many months, he finally started to talk to Sirius again - they shared a bedroom after all and his friend had been dogly loyal at all other times. Remus realized forgiving his animagus friend was a mistake when Snape realized it during Potions and would have killed Remus with his black look if he could. He couldn't help but shed tears in the toilet on that day.

He knew the Slytherin didn't have real friends and Remus had been eager to be a real one to him. Snape needed him. His loneliness had made him a target of the Marauders and later on, a teacher. He wanted to be there for Snape.

Only when it was too late and the friendship broken beyond repair, did he realize as he stared at Snape passing him by as if he didn't exist that he loved him. For the first time in his life, he not only knew for certain that he liked boys but who. It brought him despair like he never knew before.

On the last day of school, he tried hard to talk to Snape on the train. He not only suspected that the Slytherin had become a Death Eater but worse of all, that Remus was the one to drive him into it. Snape was so lost in a rage that Remus was terrified he would do something stupid when he left school. It chilled him to the bones. Guilt, longing, shame and despair drove Remus to grab the other by the arm, making other Slytherins laugh at them which made Snape even angrier. 'Get away from me, beast.' Snape hissed. 'Or I will scream right here and now what you are. It will destroy you...' He stopped and then approached Remus until their noses almost touched. 'You know I can destroy someone until there is nothing left of them.' His smile looked almost demonic and Remus stumbled away, shaken by the look in Snape's eyes.

0o0

The war continued and there were rumors that Snape did become one of Voldemort's followers. When Remus was sharing a flat that Sirius rented, he realized finally that his friend was hitting on him. That he may have done it for years but he was too insecure and blind to realize it. He was physically attracted to the animagus. Sirius had been the most gorgeous boy in the entire school and they had shared a bedroom so he had seen a lot of him throughout the years and wasn't immune to it.

When he finally gave in, however, after they made love, he would stare at the ceiling, thinking about another dark-haired, brave boy he once knew. One that he discovered too late that had stolen his heart.

Sometimes, he closed his eyes and pretended that Sirius was someone else. During the light of day, he felt guilty and would be solicitous, preparing Sirius' favorite foods, give him massages or spoil him.

He did love Sirius in his own way and only after living together he realized that he saw the animagus more as a brother or a best-friend than a lover. By then it was too late. Remus could repress anything to not make others suffer. Not after what he considered to be his fault how much Snape lost himself to the darkness.

He would think of Snape often. These silences and his absences during his missions with the werewolves drove Sirius suspect him and in time, trust Peter Pettigrew. Sirius was there everytime he returned home and it was clear that there was a secret between them. Sirius just misunderstood what that secret was.

0o0

When the worst happened, Remus had been drinking for two days straight when someone knocked at the door of the flat he shared with Sirius.

He threw up many times as he had been drinking on an empty stomach.

Remus tried to get up and fell. He tried a second time and on the third, he finally walked to the door.

When he opened the door, he just stared open-mouthed at the black figure waiting for him.

Snape had black shadows under his eyes which were a little red and puffy.

The last thing he wanted to see was a suspected Death Eater at his door, no matter that the war was over.

'What do you want?' He said, or thought he said because he saw Snape frown.

'May I come in?' Snape asked, looking up and down at him as if he was worried.

'No... go 'way.' He made a shooing motion and tried to close the door but Snape held it firmly.

'Are you ok, Lupin?'

Remus eyes widened as he tried to focus on one of them as he was seeing two Snapes. 'You're kiddin me righ?'

Snape looked over his shoulder then back at him. 'May I come in? Let me help.'

'Help?' Remus snorted. 'Tell me something Snap. Are you a Dead Eatin? 'Ve been hearin over the years... Rumors you kno?'

Snape looked down, took a deep breath and then stared back at him. 'Yes. Yes, I was.'

Remus stared as that sobering thought started to penetrate his idle brain. He then realized that he had a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand and he broke it against the wall. He brought the shards of glass to Snape's neck and grabbed him by the hair with the other hand.

'Did you have anythin to do with their death?'

Snape continued to stare at him showing no sign of fear.

'I will answer. And I don't care if I die or live. But I don't want you to carry the burden of killing someone with you.'

'Like you care.' Remus snorted, throwing the broken bottle against the wall of the living room. 'At fifteen, you could commit premeditated murder. You've always been a Dead Eatin.' Remus tried to balance on his feet but fell on his ass on the floor.

Snape moved a few steps as if to help but then stopped himself.

'I...' Snape stopped to breathe deeply, showing some insecurity for the first time. 'I... Yes, I am responsible for Lilly's death.'

Remus stared at the love of his life. He thought that Snape couldn't hurt him even more or maybe that the alcohol wouldn't allow him to be torn apart more than he already had been. But he was wrong.

His eyes welled with tears of hate. He got up through sheer determination and rage. He closed his fist and with all of his werewolf strength behind him, he aimed and threw a punch right at Snape's jaw.

The Death Eater had raised his wand but had not counted on a muggle-style attack and flew back, hitting his head on the wall.

They stared at each other, panting, until Remus dried his tears with the back of his hand.

'I may be a bist...' He was a little surprised when Snape shook his head as if denying it or like he regretted having said that. 'I am a beast. But there is somethin that I am proud not to be and that is a murderin scum like ya.'

Snape stepped back like he had been hit. Then he slowly turned away and left, slamming the door behind him.

Remus fell on his knees and cried like he never did before.

His friends, the only people he had in the world were dead. His lover had been a spy and helped kill them all. The love of his life somehow had been responsible for Lilly's death, whatever the hell that meant. Why didn't Snape said he was responsible for James' too?

0o0

I'd love to hear your feelings in this. Review is fuel.  
Thank you!  
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I hope to meet you in my tumblr. Link in bio. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're a sensitive - a gentle soul - prepare the tissue.

Time has the capacity to cut deeply, then numb and finally, heal all wounds.  
Remus was never one to hold onto anger or resent others. He forgave easily. James and Lilly's death was a special case, Remus almost went insane with grief.  
Moony had been particularly terrible after losing his pack and it showed in the many scars it gave to his body the months that followed. The worst one was two claw marks that crossed his face. It had been difficult to hide that he was a werewolf but the wolf had to go and mark his face where everyone could see.  
Talks with Dumbledore had calmed his heart and reassured him that Snape was on their side but the old man couldn't share why he had said it was his fault Lilly had died. Dumbledore had said it was a manner of speaking, given that Snape had become a Death Eater at sixteen and all. Remus' stomach sank when he heard that. Even though he would always blame Moony's attack on Snape for the Slytherin to have turned to Voldemort, Dumbledore said that we all make our own choices and that Snape took full responsibility for his stupidity.  
Remus knew better. He would never forget how full of rage Snape was after the incident and in fact, the entire sixth and seventh year. It was his fault Snape turned. Period.

They kept in contact and Dumbledore would send him strange, exotic and clearly expensive gifts on his birthday and Christmas. Remus knew it was a way for the headmaster to help him with money and if he asked the old man directly, Dumbledore would surely deny it, always hiding behind a façade of excentricity and responding while never truly answering anything. It didn't seem fair to receive such expensive and one of a kind gifts when all he sent was a box of Honey Duke's chocolate, the cheaper kind he could afford. When Dumbledore wrote insisting he really preferred sherbet lemons or socks, Remus could spend even less money on his presents. His presents to his mom and dad were usually a thorough cleaning or reforming of their old house before they passed away soon after the war and it passed down to him.  
When things got really tough, he would go up to the cellar of the extremely shabby and old cabin to sell some of Dumbledore strange but valuable pieces of art, strange golden objects, pictures, tapestries and many other odd gifts. He was grateful and wanted to hold on to the presents but sometimes he would go on without work for six or eight months.

That is why when Dumbledore offered him the position of Professor in Hogwarts, he accepted instantly.  
He couldn't help but remember Tullius when he met his students and wonder how could someone do such thing to naive kids who trusted their teachers and couldn't defend themselves.  
Over the years, he came to not only understand why Snape did it but even agree that it was the only option. What if they were not able to prove what the man did? He would never be able to kill someone slowly and with premeditation but Snape was a Slytherin, they belonged to a different species.  
He feared to see Snape again. Not one day had passed since Lilly, James and Peter's death that he didn't think of his love. At first, he thought of Snape with rage but it had passed.  
To his horror, Dumbledore made him sit right beside the man and he had no idea why. Could the headmaster know something?  
Snape's presence beside him felt like a fire pit - it warmed him up and called to him like a beacon.  
He smiled shakily at the Potion's Master before sitting but never before he received such a cold gaze. It made him lose his nerve to try anything else. Snape hadn't forgiven him for calling him a murderer. He had been drunk and out of his mind with grief, but this was Snape and the dark-haired man didn't forgive easily or maybe not at all.  
Snape had grown into his nose. His presence was much more imposing. He seemed so strong, confident and powerful now that if Remus could, he would turn to his side and just stare at the man instead of eating.  
Remus didn't want to be a burden on the man who was going to brew the Wolfsbane for him. After the feast ended, he quickly turned to the man. 'Severus, thank you for brewing...'  
But the man rose quickly and left like a bat out of hell. Remus observed the robes, the high neck and the long buttons and was reminded of the grey underpants incident. His heart clenched when he thought that he knew the reason why Snape started dressing in so many buttons.  
He had been maybe the only one who had observed the other up close and he could point everything in the Potion's Master that he acquired when he was a boy at Hogwarts. He had seen the trauma, the shields going up and knew Snape attacked others at the slightest provocation.  
He could barely sleep on his first night, despite his fatigue, thinking of the man.

When the boggard incident happened, he had so much fun in class and couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud at his loved dressed like the old Miss Longbottom. After all was said and done, however, he dreaded Snape's reaction. It looked like something that Sirius and James would have done, what was he thinking? He made the suggestion in a fond manner, curious to see Snape the boggard coming out of the closet and he felt sorry for Neville. But Snape would never see it that way. He dreaded all the hours and then the walk until lunch and was not disappointed to see black eyes staring holes at him.  
Remus walked towards his chair as if going to a funeral and sat very slowly, preparing himself.  
'You think you are funny and clever, don't you Lupin?'  
Remus sighed.  
'I am sorry Severus. The lesson got away with me. I just wanted to show you in a way that would help Neville to get over his fear of you.'  
'You did that to humiliate me.' Snape hissed back.  
'I did no such thing, Severus. I am sorry you see it that way and you can be assured I will be extra careful from now on.'  
'Make sure that you do, Lupin. You wouldn't want something nasty in the potion that I will brew for you.'  
Remus turned to him sharply. 'Fine. But it surprises me that you - of all people - would frighten a student, Severus.'  
Snape's expression smoothed over but Remus could see that he had affected the man and that he knew exactly what the werewolf was talking about. The Potion's Master rose with dignity and left.

o0o

Remus was so tired of Snape's suspicions and hatred. He was no longer called a beast but the man walked far away from him as if he had some contagious disease and never looked at him.

When Sirius reappeared, however, Snape stared at him with the age-old anger and bitterness. He had said the wrong thing again, afraid of Sirius' fragile state. He didn't really believe that Snape had been jealous of James' prowess in quidditch or that what Sirius' pulled was a simple prank. Again he put his foot in his mouth for not wanting to tarnish James' memories in front of Harry, he hurt the one he held most dear. When Snape talked about handing him to the dementors, his heart broke a little bit more, although it has been shattered for a long time.  
This time, he almost killed others when he transformed for forgetting to take his potion and he had only himself to blame.  
Although Snape didn't call him a beast since their school days, he told his secret to everyone. Remus was drowning in guilt for almost having had killed Snape, Harry, Ron and his best student - Hermione - he couldn't help but freeze inside at the thought that Snape made good on his promise he made on a train in a bitter past, long ago.  
He left without looking back.

0o0

Remus and Sirius never recovered the joy of their youth. It was difficult to be with someone you pitied more than loved. Sirius was not okay, he was unbalanced and dangerous. He didn't have time to grow older and mature, instead, he came out of Azkaban as a twenty-one-year-old in a body thirty years old but looking forty.  
He held Sirius at night and that's what they did the most. Sometimes, Sirius looked like a frightened child waking up from nightmares and at others, he reminded Remus of the mischievous teenager but now with rage and a hint of madness that made him dangerous.  
He knew when Snape figured out. For all that the Potions' Professor tried to show he did not care, he did stop cold one day when Sirius grabbed Remus by the hip, thinking that the meeting at Grimmauld's Place was over and everyone had gone. Snape had stopped at the doorway for a second, dismay on his eyes. Remus had felt awful and guilty like he was cheating on Snape, which was absurd.

When Sirius died, Remus mourned not for the lover he lost but for the comrade and last friend he had. He thought he had lost the animagus once but now he was truly gone.  
Remus didn't choose alcohol this time. He just didn't have any energy to get up and do normal things like taking a shower. That's why it was so horrific when all of a sudden, Snape appeared when he was in the dark living room, staring at the wall. His mind back in a past long gone.  
'Lupin.'  
'I am really not in the mood, Severus.' Remus said.  
Snape moved towards him but Remus got up and gestured him to stop.  
'Stay right where you are. I haven't taken a bath in days. I am not a good company right now.'  
'Have you been sitting there all this time?'  
'Why do you care?' Remus snorted, falling back on the sofa again, deciding not to give a damn anymore.  
'Come.' Snape said and turned.  
Remus frowned. Instead of heading to the door to go out, Snape moved towards the stairs. It puzzled Remus enough to follow.  
When they got to the third floor, Remus smelled the aroma of lavender and some other undefined herb. Snape drew him a bath.  
'How did you know?' He asked, astonished.  
'I've tried to talk to you after the meeting. I came back yesterday and today and you were catatonic. I could smell you from miles so I drew you a bath.'  
Remus blushed but even embarrassment was too hard a feeling to hold at the state he was in.  
'I can take a bath by myself. You won't be coming in with me, will you?'  
'I believe you are capable of cleaning your own self. I will be waiting outside with a meal. I bet you didn't eat anything. Is that what you do Lupin? People die and you stop living too?'  
Remus sighed loudly, turned and shut the door on Snape's face.  
He was puzzled by the Slytherin's behavior. It was the second time that Snape reached out when Remus suffered a loss. At any other time, it was like they couldn't get along but when Remus really needed, Snape bit down his pride and came to him. He remembered when he started to heal from Lilly and James' loss, that he regretted the way he treated Snape. He had been too harsh and he didn't really consider him a murderer. Breathing deeply, he decided that this time he wasn't going to do something he would regret. This was his chance to make things right.  
He truly and deeply loved Severus. There had never been anyone else.

Wrapping a towel around his waist after drying himself, he went to the bedroom he used when he was there.  
Snape was sitting on a chair near the bed like he was going to watch over someone who was sick. He was surprised Snape knew what bedroom he occupied while at the Order.  
There was a tray with toast, jam and steaming tea at the bedside table. Remus looked at the man who stared deeply at him and he felt alive for the first time since Sirius' careless death.  
He approached the chair and extended his hand. Snape took it and got up.

Without any doubt that plagued him over the years, Remus simply closed the distance and kissed him. Snape immediately returned the kiss, closing his eyes which Remus imitated. He was soon removing buttons and more buttons with shaky fingers as their breaths grew louder.  
Snape pushed him over the bed when they removed all their clothing and looked at his body from top to bottom, which felt like a physical caress, making Remus harden instantly.  
Snape smirked and Remus' breath froze. He was so beautiful and Remus said so.  
'Let's not exaggerate. I have a mirror Lupin.'  
Remus was caressing Severus' chest when he stopped and looked up. 'It is the truth. You've always been beautiful to me. Even before you saved me. I've always been fascinated by you.'  
'If that was true, why would you get together with Black?' Snape sneered. All playfulness was gone.  
Remus sighed. How to explain to Severus how weak, battered and lonely he was?  
'When... When I am falling, when I am in pain, I need someone in my life, Severus. I've always felt lonely, endlessly and painfully. Even with my parents, I knew that they loved me but I also knew I was a burden. When you... called me a beast and didn't forgive me or believe that I had nothing to do with the Shrieking Shack incident...ugh.'  
Remus had to stop talking as Severus covered his mouth with his, then planted kisses all over his face and neck.  
'I am sorry for that.'  
Remus smiled faintly and nodded. 'Anyway, let me just explain this. It is important.' At Snape's nod, he continued. 'When you didn't want to talk to me on the train, I got desperate. I thought I would never see you again or that when we met it would be on opposite sides of the war. I suspected that you became a Death Eater and I had just joined the Order.'  
Snape nodded and then hugged him. They stayed like that for a long time. 'So, you didn't love him?' Snape asked and Remus understood why the sneaky Slytherin had hidden his face on his neck, so the werewolf couldn't see his vulnerability.  
He nodded. 'I am ashamed to say I was fragile and needed to hang on to someone, anyone. And Sirius wanted me.' He pushed away to look Severus in the eye. 'Did you know that he lured you to the Shrieking Shack because he saw us passing notes and then holding hands? He confessed that he had gone insane with jealousy. And that I was blind as he had been flirting with me since we were 13.'  
Snape snorted. 'Only you didn't see that coming.'  
Remus eyes widened. 'You knew?'  
'I also had a crush on you since about that age. That's why I noticed Tullius grooming you next.'  
Remus threw himself over Snape's lap. Their shafts touched and they groaned in unison. 'I can never thank you enough for saving me. Seeing you at the doorway was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.'  
Snape grabbed Remus' jaw and moved his head back, kissing his throat. The dark-haired's other hand lowered to cup one of his ass cheeks. He lowered the werewolf and covered his body again. When their skin met they both sighed.  
'Just eat a bite of toast.' Snape said suddenly, awkwardly trying to grab the food and feed it to Remus, who laughed.  
'I am hungry for something else.'  
'You haven't eaten for three days, haven't you? Just eat something or you'll pass out because I'll ravish you all night.'  
'Hum...' Remus savored the toast and licked the blueberry jam that caught around his lips.  
They chuckled and when Remus swallowed his bite, Severus devoured his mouth.  
They rubbed against each other frantically, all conversation gone. Severus looked for his wand at the side table blindly and cast the necessary spells. He entered Remus slowly.  
They stared at each other intently, no words needed to remind them that this was their first time.  
It was nothing like Remus ever experienced before. Severus had always been everything he wanted. He filled his heart and body so completely that there was no space for anything else.  
Severus started to move slowly as they grunted from time to time. When the need was too great and he felt Remus lose enough so he could slam into him, Remus fisted himself and threw his head back.  
Severus watched him avidly, mesmerized.  
Remus face contorted in pleasure but he tried to keep his eyes open, fascinated by Severus' intense gaze. He wanted to close his eyes at the intensity of it all but maintained a sliver opened so he could see Severus come. He wasn't disappointed. Severus groaned and his eyes closed as he bit his lower lip, making Remus follow at the beauty of the sight. Severus would always be the most beautiful thing in his life.  
They panted and held onto each other for a long time, not realizing when sleep overtook them.

The next morning, Snape was still laying over Remus and when he tried to move, the dried cum gluing the two together made him wince in pain. Severus hissed and dazedly looked around. Remus woke up instantly in pain but then started to laugh like he hadn't done in years.  
'We just fell asleep after we finished.' He chuckled.  
'Well, you should have cleaned us up before passing out.'  
'You were the one above me, you should have at least moved.'  
'I didn't hear you complain last night.'  
Remus breath caught when he saw Severus' smile. He never saw it before.  
'What?' Severus asked, growing serious.  
'You were smiling. It's so beautiful, I always wanted to see.'  
The corner of Severus' lips turned but it seemed he couldn't do it again now that he was self-conscious about it.  
'I love you Severus.' Remus said hugging the Potion's Master tightly, making the other wince. 'There never be anyone else.'  
'Never say never, Lupin.' Severus looked at him seriously. We don't know where this war is taking us.  
'Can't you call me by my name?'  
'I've always called you Lupin.'  
'Yes but... Remus rhymes with Severus.'  
'We are little girls writing in their journals now, are we?'  
'Call me by my name, it's more intimate.'  
'Only when I am not angry.'  
'You are not angry now.'  
'I am always angry.' Severus smirked.  
'And snarky, and intelligent, and courageous, and gorgeous.'

When they came down for lunch - which they thought was breakfast - they noticed that Albus Dumbledore's beard would twitch sometimes, even when he wasn't saying anything.

0o0

The war escalated and they barely had time to see each other. They wrote often. Sometimes, the letters were sent by owl - which was cryptic and with no signatures - at others, Dumbledore brought them to Remus with a twinkle in his eyes. The old man never asked and Remus never divulged but obviously, it was weird that two mortal enemies were suddenly writing to each other.

Severus became increasingly moody during meetings at the Order and wrote to him less and less. Remus was afraid but didn't want to push. He thought that it had something to do with Voldemort but he was afraid to ask, fearing something would tear them apart again when they had barely found each other.  
Never he heard that he was loved. He didn't want to be a lovesick puppy but at the same time, it was unfortunate that Severus didn't see how important it was to declare such things at difficult times like this where they could die at any time. He was terrified to contemplate the other possibilities but what if it had only been about sex for Severus and he felt nothing for Remus? He would force the fear aside, knowing that he was very insecure of himself and that Severus was the type who would never put his feelings into words.

When it was confirmed that not only Dumbledore was dead but that he was murdered by Snape, he had to sit down. He was numb with shock.  
Nymphadora threw her trump card in front of everybody and Remus needed someone more than ever. Never before had a girl showed him any interest and he didn't know if he could pull it off but if he didn't hold on to someone, he would surely drown.  
Before he knew it, she was pregnant. That's how long the grief lasted.  
Remus considered himself to have gone insane for a time.

0o0

On the night of the battle, Remus had walked around the castle with other members of the Order, casting protective and shielding spells. When he was alone, he saw a black shadow moving away. It must have been more than a year since he saw him last but he would recognize that walk anywhere, although Snape seemed burdened.  
He followed. His anger at what the man had done consumed him. When he first learned of the betrayal he thought he would kill Snape on sight but as he followed the other without being seen, he wasn't so sure.  
He hid behind a tree and aimed his wand. The wood shook in his hands as tears fell from his eyes. The man was right there. One less Death Eater to go. Almost the worst of them all.  
He had been so foolish, so trusting. Sirius had told him so. Not that he was foolish but too trusting.  
Oh, Sirius... if only he had loved his friend as much as he still loved Severus.  
He still loved Severus...  
He slowly lowered his wand. He couldn't. No matter what the man did. And he never had killed anyone in cold blood. No. Snape was the one who was capable of it. Two Hogwarts teachers, at that.  
Severus had never known peace. He had confessed to Remus once after three rounds of love-making that he had been beaten by his father too, then he was bullied by James and Sirius. And then there was Tullius... Remus had wondered if he had snapped while being under the rule of two powerful wizards while he lied to one of them...  
The moment was gone and Snape's shadow disappeared.

o0o

'Look at me...' Snape said. And Harry did.

o0o

The war was over, as were the funerals. It was a bittersweet victory as they were all torn apart for the joy of a better future shadowed by the ones that left without enjoying their victory. Remus, Tonks, Fred, Dumbledore, Sirius, Snape... The list was endless.

Harry would always miss the parents he never knew, even though he had a good idea of how they were like.  
He imagined Remus, Sirius, his mom and dad together now, somewhere and smiled at night, although it was full of tears.  
He had been lucky. He had Ginny. And Teddy. He wanted to share custody with Andromeda Tonks, who was so broken after losing his only child and husband that sometimes she wanted to be in bed. Harry would give her one day for her to process her loss but the next day he would barge in with Teddy - who looked exactly like a miniature Remus - and would entice her to live one more day.

The survivors had gathered in Number 12 Grimmauld Place for a somber dinner. After that, they would all go on their own way for a while. They would always meet, their bonds were too strong but they had all lost too much. Some would travel while some would hide - like Harry, who had the press after him all the time, as did Ron and Hermione.  
Ron and Harry were pretending to play chess in the library just to do something, as Hermione pretended to watch.  
McGonagall stared blankly at a book, sitting at the corner. They had been silent for half an hour until Hermione finally noticed a piece of tied parchment over the mantle and went to check what it was.  
'Oh my God!' She squeaked.  
Ron and Harry shot up, their wands ready. Professor McGonagall's wand was in her hand instantly as if summoned by magic but she remained sitting.  
'What is it, Mione?' Ron asked impatiently.  
'It is a letter... A letter from... From Professor Snape.'  
They looked at each other.  
'Do you think he made a backup of his memories in case something happened?' Harry asked.  
'No, it says 'In case of my death, deliver it to Lupin'.  
They stared at each other, wide-eyed.  
'Well, we can't deliver. Neither can we return to the sender.'  
They heard McGonagall sniff behind them.  
'Only one way to find out.' Ron said impatiently.  
Hermione cast diagnostic spells to look for curses - for this came from Snape after all - and removed the seal gently, unrolling the paper.

'Dear Remus,

Today I woke up knowing that I won't survive the war.' She started. Her eyes filled with tears.

'When I realized this I knew I couldn't go on without telling you a few things.  
I never ever saw you as a beast. You were always, in fact, the symbol of innocence and what is good in this world. I've always watched you. When I found your secret I thought it was your darkness that had attracted me. When I grew up, I knew it was your light.  
You have a pure heart and you forgive easily. Such a gentle heart also hurts more than most.  
I am sick with jealousy but I know why you gave in. For the most part, I am glad that you'll have someone to look after you. I don't wish you to end up alone. Especially because I started to walk a path I can't move away from anymore.  
If you noticed I became distant, it was because I've found that I would have to do the unthinkable and kill Albus. The only one who always trusted me. I have to do it and I don't know where to draw my courage from.  
I do it to make it write a wrong I did long ago. You forgave me easily and never asked what was my role in Lilly's death. It was I who gave Voldemort the prophecy. I didn't know it was even true, let along that he would chase after some baby. I wouldn't have done if it was anyone else but especially Lilly. She was the only friend before Albus but even she got tired and gave up on me. You do not count. Countless times you reached out and I reacted badly.  
I can only confess now that the end is near and I find my courage, that my anger came from many things pilled up together. I was afraid of my feelings for you, I was drowning in anger and fear and I had just gone through a traumatizing event. You remember what happened when I killed Professor Tullius for you.'

McGonagall took a sharp breath and covered her mouth with her hands.

'Did you know him, Professor McGonagall?' Hermione asked hesitantly. The younger ones in the room were shocked to find that even though headmaster Dumbledore's murder had been more like an assisted suicide that Snape had killed another teacher already.  
The older woman nodded. 'Like all others, he was another Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor who lasted only a year. He left directly to St.Mungus. He had been sick before that.'  
'So Snape was used by the curse twice? By removing this professor Tullius and outing Remus?' Ron asked.  
Hermione looked at him. 'Brilliant.'  
'Always the tone of surprise.' He smirked.  
'Please, continue Miss Granger.' McGonagall asked.

'There is so much I should have said but when we were in bed, I couldn't focus on anything else.'  
Harry and Ron blushed crimson. McGonagall thinned her lips. Hermione had a distant look in her eyes. She snapped out of her daydream and returned to the letter.

'We lived so much in the moment, thinking it was the last time we would see each other that we talked very little and I have forgotten to say what was important. I, who had tried to be one step ahead, forgot to plan. And a part of me always thought that there would be more time but no. I had a very unfortunate life - cursed in fact - and on top of it all, I can see that it will be also a short one.  
I planned on saying but never got the time - and now it's too late - but I didn't kill the bastard out of revenge because he raped me.'

'Oh my God.' Cried McGonagall. 'A Professor?'

Hermione looked equally disturbed as she continued.  
'I killed him because he dared to touch you. I had cursed him and his room to know if there was fear behind closed doors. I would know if he tried anything, that's why, after knocking at the door and not receiving a response, I blasted it and the scum with it.  
I didn't think no one would believe me either. It was my word against his. The word of a poor, half-blood, good for nothing Slytherin who loved the dark arts. As it happened in Black's 'prank', no punishment was received and I was threatened if I didn't keep my mouth shut. I knew that would happen. They would wait for Tullius to make another victim. That wouldn't be you or anyone else. I thought about castrating him but he would still be able to look at you.  
And I knew that I had only been the loner, the easy target, the unpopular kid that no one would help or believe. You, on the other hand, was someone he really wanted. As did so many others. You've always thought so little of yourself. It is one of your qualities. You have no idea how desirable or beautiful you are.

I also never apologized for outing you to the entire wizarding world and I know you forgave me because you never brought it up. I never deserved you and if I don't have the chance to tell you how sorry I am, know that it is one of my greatest regrets. I can't blame the curse but it prevented any Defense teacher from returning for another year. But the truth is that I was insanely jealous of you and Black and your defense of him. I am sorry I reacted so badly when I was angry. I have so much rage within me that I go insane for a moment. Even students - unfortunately - witnessed my outbursts.'

Harry snickered fondly. 'Third year, hospital wing.'  
'I thought he wouldn't stop screaming.' Ron laughed.

They both looked at Professor McGonagall and quieted.

'Never have any regrets. Live for your son. I was happy about the news although I was jealous she could give you something I never would. You deserve love and a family.  
If I survive this you'd only be on the run with me as I doubt they would forgive me killing the most beloved wizard of our time. I am already cursed, not only by the dark mark.  
In case of a miracle and we both survive this, I want to see you one last time before I go. On the night before the full moon after the war, meet me at the astronomy tower. If you bring anyone, I will know. If I don't survive, know that I left something for you there.  
Just promise me that you will be happy.  
And I should have said it but I never did. You may guess it was out of fear but it was always at the tip of my tongue.  
And that is that I love you Remus.  
I love you more than anything and I always did, even when I treated you poorly.  
Forgive me for I was already broken by the first time we met.  
I will never forget. At our first ride on the train to Hogwarts, you helped me to push up my bag. Do you remember? I always noticed you ever since.  
I will always regret I never told you how I feel. I knew you wanted to hear it and that you would be patient until the end of time if I needed you to. No one ever understood or accepted me unconditionally like you did. But know that every time we were together, I tried to say it.

Forever yours,  
Severus Snape.'

The four of them remained in silence aside from the occasional sniff. McGonagall dried her eyes with her handkerchief. Even Ron and Harry were not unaffected.  
After a long moment, they looked at each other, their visions blurry.

'Andromeda cannot know about this.' Harry said, folding the parchment and tucking into his back pocket. She can't handle it. She would hate Remus and she already blames him a little for Tonks' death.  
Everyone nodded.  
'Let's keep it a secret then.' Hermione said.  
'It will not leave this room.' McGonagall said, her voice shaking.  
'When Teddy is an adult - after some preparation - this letter will go to him.' Harry said maturely.  
'Won't he be disappointed his dad married his mom but was in love with another man?' Ron asked incredulously.  
'I've found some pretty disturbing things about my dad.' Harry said. 'I was hurt for a long time but I love him anyway and I rather know the truth. I prefer to know what he truly was and that was a pretty flawed human being, especially as a boy...' He hesitated a bit. 'He bullied Snape. Nope. He tortured him. And Snape was by himself while my dad had Sirius and Peter with him.'  
Hermione and Ron looked shocked but were trying to hide it.  
'My dad basically almost stripped Snape naked in front of half of the school and my mom almost smirked. She almost laughed at the boy who taught her magic, who first told her she was a witch and taught everything about Hogwarts even before she received the letter. He was so humiliated he called her a mudblood. He apologized a thousand times and even cried in front of others, but she never forgave him.'

They were all silent and pretty shocked to learn how James and Lilly were when they were young.  
'So when people say so many good things about them...' Hermione hesitated.  
'It's about what they became, but mostly, for what they died for. And people think those are the things an orphan would want to hear. They were not perfect. I forgive more easily than my mom and I am not a bully like my dad was, but I am also flawed. I rush into things and got Sirius killed...'  
'It wasn't your fault!' The other three said in unison.  
'It was. If I had listened to Dumbledore, Remus and Snape... I could have prevented that vision. Sirius was there because of me. Thank God no one else died or I might have never recovered. And also, I am not very smart.'  
'Of course you are, Mr.Potter.' Professor McGonagall said sternly.  
'I am quite thick.' Harry smiled. 'I thought Snape was a traitor from day one. Like I said. No one is perfect. One day, Teddy will want to know more about his dad, I think. The real Remus, not the hero. I'll break to him slowly, give him hints over the years. And Remus was a pretty amazing guy without me having to hide anything.'

They contemplated what they learned if there was any sign that they were together but there was none.

'I hope they found each other on the other side.' Hermione's voice trembled. 'I wish we could have been more supportive of Professor Snape when there was still time.'  
'I don't think so. ' Ron said. 'Let's be honest, he was a git.'  
They all looked at him shocked, but then laughed. It was true.  
'I am sure they will find each other.' Said Harry pensively and he continued as the others looked at him in puzzlement. 'My parents are together and Sirius found them somehow, as did Remus. Snape killed and may deal with the consequences that murder brings to the soul, but he was truly a good person. He will find his way to Remus.'

They all pondered on this hopeful thought for long moments in silence.

'If he was alive and well he would be sneering at us, calling us sentimental Gryffindors.' Said McGonagall.  
'Not at you, Professor.' Hermione smiled mistily.  
'Indeed. He never truly overcame the fact that I had been his professor and felt intimidated.' She looked at distant memories. 'I really regret dueling with him. I think of the look of shock and surprise he tried to hide a moment later and it breaks my heart.'  
Hermione hugged her from the side. 'You didn't know, Professor McGonagall.'  
'It hurt him. I should have stopped to think about why. He ran from us. He didn't want to fight me, Slughorn or Flitwick. He was a great duelist and could take all of us but he ran so he wouldn't hurt us.'  
'He was a hero.' Hermione sniffed.  
'I'll name one of my sons Severus one day.' Harry declared, suddenly moved.  
'You got to be joking mate.' Ron snorted. 'What?' He asked as they all stared at him. 'Come on, it's a horrible name.'

0o0

McGonagall climbed the last step of the Astronomy Tower. She took a shaky breath. She has never been up there ever since...  
Her eyes filled with tears as she looked around. She couldn't help picturing where Dumbledore and Snape stood on that terrible night. And to think poor Harry had seen it all without being able to do anything about it.

They had decided she was the closest to Snape - not that everyone ever was that intimate - and that she should be the one to find and recover whatever it was that Snape left to Remus, deciding it would go to Teddy instead.  
It took her a long time. She stepped upon boards, trying to listen for signs of a loose one. She looked around and cast spells trying to find hidden places of any signs of magic. Finally, she heard a creak in the north corner of the floor and removed the board with a flick of her wand.  
She pulled out a tin box and opened with shaky hands.

There were three pictures inside.

One was of a Remus Lupin laughing with his friends. He must have been only 13 or 14 years old. The picture was taken from afar. Snape probably took the picture discreetly. The others were clearly James Potter and Sirius Black but it was not the intention of the photographer to focus on them. She only knew who they were because she paid a lot of attention to those two rebels throughout their seven infernal years in Hogwarts. They were always up to something. She always had a sneaky suspicion that Remus had been the brains behind their plans.  
The second picture was of a much older Remus. Her mouth opened in surprise. The werewolf looked on his early 20s and the picture was taken through a window. Remus was slouched over a sofa and looked bleary-eyed or drunk. It looked like Snape had stalked him for some reason.  
The third picture was of both of them. They were in their 30s. It showed a little below their necks and they were clearly in bed and shirtless. First, Remus looked at the camera shyly, under his lashes, then he hid his face in Snape's neck, chuckling.  
What caught her breath was the second one in the moving photo. Snape looked at the lens of the camera with disdain but when he turned to look at his love, he smiled. He briefly looked at the camera again before nuzzling Remus' ears and McGonagall caught a brief sign of the Slytherin's happiness before it vanished. Had he only smiled at Remus?

She looked up at the blurry sky through her tears.

'I hope you found each other, my boys. Wherever you are.'

☆ The End ☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☆ Review is Fuel. 
> 
> Thank you and have a wonderful week 💕❤
> 
> I go a little obsessed with Remus Lupin and Severus Snape on my Tumblr. Link in bio.  
> Snupin 4eva ~


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